It is a straightforward three-step process for counseling. This method is used when someone comes to you with a concern or wanting to talk about something. It's for "normal neurotics like you and me" and not to deal with patients suffering from serious mental issues.
It avoids giving advice (a mistake in any kind of counseling). If you stick to this method, you'll not harm anyone and probably do much good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening means knowing the meaning of the text and the feelings that go with it.
Cerebral comprehension isn't enough.
Do not make statements that defines the issue or the other person's feelings; ask instead. Not, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". It's not, "The issue is . . ." Instead, "You think the problem is . . ." " or "The approach you take . . . ". At this point, it could suffice to be able to say "uh-huh" or shake your head.
This stage ends when the person starts talking about the issues behind the problem. You will know you have done well when you get acceptance of your suggestions for the problem and the feelings behind it.
Stage Two Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
If the person who is talking to you is able to hear them, they'll move on to deeper things. At this stage you can start asking exploratory questions. You can ask if they've ever had this experience before. what they've attempted to do in similar situations - whether it worked or not and if there are any thoughts or emotions that are going on for them. If you are able to clearly observe something provide observations about what you see. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. In this case, it's better to ask a question instead of making an assertion.
The critical issue in this moment is staying in touch with their feelings at the level they are feeling them.
If you're unable to handle this, tell them; don't fake it. You could say, "Sorry, I can't handle this right now." They'll appreciate it more than pretending (and they'll be able to tell whether you're just playing).
This phase is finished when the issue is viewed differently and a different perspective is achieved.
Stage Three: Trying Different Things
Once they see things differently they will begin to approach things differently, or at the very least, plan to.
The temptation for anyone who comes to you with a concern is to rush to this stage right away. This is not a good idea. What is needed is the opportunity to look into what's happening and then to view it in a new way.
At this stage you can suggest what worked for you.
Don't get trapped into playing "Yes, but . . . ".
If they provide reasons as to the reason why your suggestions don't work Do not argue. Amanda Smith Instead, ask what they have tried, why it did not work, and how they could do differently next time.
You might want to make arrangements that they check in with you so that they monitor how they are going with their new way of doing things.
This stage ends when they try out new behaviour with you or when they have a plan of the new behaviour they want to share with others.
This is mostly about listening.
The other person will always know more about their situation than you do.
Do not give advice on what they should do. In the third stage you could want to discuss what you have learned from your experience when you've had to deal with similar issues yourself.
With some practice, you'll be able to become proficient quite quickly at this process. You could end up becoming someone people come to 'for advice'. So long as you follow this method and do not offer any advice, you will do lots of good and aid many others.